PLAIN VIEW HERITAGE FARM, RURAL BRYANT, SD,

AND STADEMS SAGA, PRESENT:

RON'S WRITINGS:


SCANDINAVIA: DUCK HEAVEN

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The following story was purged from the New York Times Gourmet Foods Section:

"Scandinavia was invaded by a duck-like Extraterrestrial Species and the indigenous populations transported to another planet that was snow and ice half the year, so they acclimated nicely.

The Extraterresials also acclimated rapidly, adapting the Scandinavian customs and ways that suited the environment admirably, even to relishing Lutefisk (codfish given a long lye bath to soften it to the consistency of jellyfish, then fried in butter).

Another delicacy they came to favor is Lefse, a partly fried, potato-based cake, extremely flat, that resembles a taco but was originally used by the Vikings to patch holes in their ships' sails on long raiding expeditions called "voyages."

Extremely sticky when in contact with seawater, they made instant patches that held well until more traditional cloth-patches could be sewn in place (cloth taken usually from Irish monks' robes). When exactly the Vikings began eating the eating of Lefse, it is not yet determined, but on long voyages they sometimes ran completely out of stored food and so took to eating their lefse-patched sails just to fill their stomachs. Someone eventually decided that the potato-cake patches were more tasty than the cloth sails, and a new delicacy was discovered for enhancing the Smorgasbord."

Tour the five Occupied Scandinavian countries now inhabited by the more or less happy, Lefse and Lutefisk-addicted Aliens, and see if they aren't pretty much the same as they were during the heydey of the mostly blond-haired humans.

OCCUPIED SWEDEN:

SWEDEN'S TOONS


OCCUPIED DENMARK:

DENMARK'S TOONS


OCCUPIED FINLAND

FINLAND'S TOONS


SPECIAL INSIGHT:

Finland's True History, How Finland Got Its Name


OCCUPIED ICELAND:

ICELAND'S TOONS


OCCUPIED NORWAY:

NORWAY'S TOONS


ALSO, CHECK OUT NORMANDY, AN HONORARY SCANDINAVIAN COUNTRY, SINCE IT WAS FOUNDED AS A DUCHY, OR DUCKY, BY ROLLO, A VIKING CHIETAIN, WHO WAS GRANTED THE COASTAL PROVINCIAL TERRITORY BY CHARLES THE SIMPLE, A SIMPLE-MINDED KING OF FRANCE, TO KEEP THE AMBITIOUS, HARD-TO-HANDLE VIKING FROM GOBBLING UP THE REST OF THE KING'S DOMAINS--SEE, HE WASN'T SO DUMB AFTER ALL.

IT DID THE TRICK, BECAUSE LATER ROLLO'S DESCENDANT, DUKE WILLIAM, WENT AND GOBBLED UP ENGLAND INSTEAD OF FRANCE.

BY THIS TIME, HOWEVER, FRENCH CULTURE HAD CHANGED THE VIKINGS (NORMANS), SO MUCH THAT THEY SPOKE WITH FRENCH ACCENTS, AND LOOKED MORE LIKE POODLES THAN DUCKS. THE VERSATILE EXTRATERRESTRIALS, WHEN THEY INVADED, TOOK THIS IN STRIDE TOO, AND BECAME VERY POODLED IN APPEARANCE.

OCCUPIED NORMANDY:

Normandy: Poodle Heaven

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